In my childhood no one paid much attention to me and I grew up on my own.
When I was five years old, I accidentally poisoned myself with medication, but miraculously survived. My mother told me then that God saved me on this earth for a reason and enrolled me in a gymnastics section. Unfortunately, gymnastics did not last long in my life. The first serious reassessment of my values came at the age of ten when I suffered a traumatic brain injury. It was then that I really thought deeply about my still-childhood life. I remember lying in bed for almost half a year, thinking that it wasn't by chance that I had survived, and that I was destined to become a great athlete. Unfortunately, my dreams were not meant to come true, as I had to give up sports due to my fear of jumping.
When I was 17 the second major event occurred that turned my entire life around. I was a lost and unsuccessful teenager who, after two failed attempts to end my life and with a total disbelief in myself, couldn't understand why I even existed in this world. I left a small town in the north of Russia and moved to the capital of Russia, Moscow. From there, I changed over 20 different jobs, lived in over 15 different rented rooms and apartments, and completed an economics degree at university without much enthusiasm. However, the most important thing was that I simultaneously pursued classical dance.
Dance was my world. Classical music (which I had never listened to before) gave me wings, inspired me, guided me, and prevented me from falling into the routine of poverty and survival. Then I had a new dream again, to dance for the rest of my life
Life "surprised" me once again when I was 22. I suffered a new injury - I tore a muscle in my right leg and it turned my life upside down once more. I remember vividly opening my computer while lying in the hospital bed, searching on Google for "what is happiness?". Among other things, Google suggested finding the answer through yoga. When I left the hospital, limping and feeling lost once again, I made my way to a yoga studio. The first style of yoga I tried was Iyengar yoga. The teacher was wonderful, but it wasn't really my style. I honestly completed one year of yoga teacher training, but lost all interest in yoga. I didn't have dance anymore, but I still had my dancer friends.
Disappointment in life, in myself, and in the path I had chosen led me to drugs and alcohol. I remember most of all how I missed celebrating the new year in 2013 because I was under the influence of drugs for two days. It was an unbearable feeling of being at the bottom of a deep well, where the sky looked like a tiny white ring of light.
I had almost no money, but something pushed me to go to Sri Lanka. And that's where I met my second teacher, Lyndon Mason. This man, without even realizing it, made me want to live! He introduced me to Shivnanda yoga, and I strived to attend his school every season. In Sri Lanka, I felt freedom in the present moment for the first time. It was there that I found a home within myself and made friends for the first time with no fear. Once my teacher said to me, "You need to go to India, there you will find more answers."
I have been to India three times: at the Shivananda Ashram, the Ashtanga Yoga Institute of Pattabhi Jois, on a teacher training program in Rishikesh, at Yogapit, in Osho's ashram, and in Tapovan for Vipassana. India shaped me and gave me a clear understanding of my path.
I had already been teaching yoga to children in Russia at the school of my first teacher, but in 2015, I found a place where my ability to teach yoga fully blossomed. To my great surprise, I was offered a two-week probationary period at a prestigious sports club in the center of Moscow. I requested a teaching time of 7 a.m. (the earliest offered option). For the first week no one showed up. Then one person came, who brought with them a group of people with whom I still have a good relationship to this day.
Now I am experiencing a new and difficult chapter of my life. In my country there is a dictatorial and barbaric regime, which I can't bare. I am currently in Portugal. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I love my man, I almost love my strong body that has undergone so many surgeries and accidents, and I love my working and developing mind.
I want to live! I want to teach!